I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
