Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
