just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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