k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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