I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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