The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize