He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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