Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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