So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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