your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize