i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
