I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
