As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
