I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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