You can't special order awesome
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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