im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
