I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
