On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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