So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
