Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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