You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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