piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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