4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
