Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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