I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize