I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
