so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
