Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
