Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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