when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
