Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize