who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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