she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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