I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
