Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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