Grow some girl-balls and come out already
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
