Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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