I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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