Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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