Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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