I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
