yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want nice things and good sex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
