He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
