perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
