So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
