I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize