So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
