Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
