I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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