Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
