no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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