whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
