i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
