oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
