You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
