chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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