I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
