My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
