First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
