I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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