Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
