Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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