About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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