I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize