Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
