OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
