got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
