Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
