I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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