Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize