Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
