Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
