i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
