I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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