All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
