I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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