Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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