That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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