There was a lot of him and a little penis
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
