Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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