I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are the jesus of drinking
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
