just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
