I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
