we have pet lesbian snakes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
