Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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