Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
