upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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