remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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