Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize