why didn't you poke me back
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
