Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
