Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize