it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
