Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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