There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
