sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
