i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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