kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
