the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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