he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
