i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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