I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you had me at cake vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
is that a dick in a sweater?
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