For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
