I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
