u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
